Beyond the Microwave – Highlights of a Moonlighting Chef

If you’re like me, you grew up on processed food.

Armed with the knowledge of what time to set frozen Soft Pretzels on in the microwave. And lets not forget the optimal cereal to milk ratio for Frosted Flakes. Its going to be on the test..

All jokes aside, these are serious hard skills. But over time, any reasonable person will realize that there is more to life than Hot Pockets and Pot Tarts.

That being said, real meals are not a given in this fast paced modern world.

It’s easy to get caught up in the hamster wheel of life (menial work, dead-end relationships, financial stress, etc.).

Leaving you with no time to make all those delicious recipes. Even with time, it can be overwhelming to start.

If you find foodies too weird or TV personalities like Gordan Ramsay too intense, derive a morsel of inspiration from me. A humble, moonlighting chef (definitely not a Chef ) Who dared to venture beyond the microwave…

The Highlight Reel

as Advertised.

The highlight reel consists of 7 Simple Staples. From virtually no skills to basic meal preparation competency, millions of dollars, and washboard abs.

Alright those last two might be a little far-fetched but I have managed to make a decent omelette.

Rather than spamming various Social Media accounts with pictures of food, I feel better sharing the highlights in a concentrated blog post. With, hopefully, more meaning than a parade of virtue signalling efforts to get likes from people I never see in real life.

At the end of the day, I guess we’re all mildly narcissistic, humble bragging, hypocrites. Before I get too cynical…

                   On to the food!

1. Taco Salad

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(To The Max)

Now, I’m not going to list every ingredient and measurement because that’s no fun. This isn’t Martha Stewart’s Living. Its better to approach cooking like a mad scientist and figure it out yourself.

So whats so special about this average looking Taco Salad? What takes this Taco salad To The Max? First if the budget permits, opt for Grass-Fed (High in Omega 3 fatty acids) ground beef or Ground Turkey. And if your going to include the chips, ditch the Doritos and go with some Multi-Grain chips (which have questionable nutrition but are crucial to the meal). Oh yeah and try this grain free Taco seasoning recipe from Cardiologist and Bestselling Author, William Davis – http://www.wheatbellyblog.com/2015/02/taco-seasoning-mix/ Other than that, throw in some greens plus your favorite salsa and your good to go – This one is pretty self-explanatory.

2. Wild Caught Grilled Salmon

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Dang, that might be the same fork from the Taco Salad picture.#minimalist.

Anyways, go ahead and Shot Put your outdated, 50 pound microwave off the top floor of an apartment building. Next, order a George Foreman grill off Amazon.

That is step #1 (Now follow this Amazon Affiliate link and enter your credit card.. Just kidding).

Step 2, 2 Days later, plug in the grill and put the fish on the grill for 10 minutes.

Step 3 – Enjoy this crispy, excellent source of animal protein and healthy fats. Bonus: Add Extra Virgin Olive Oil and a pinch of Himalayan Salt for enhanced taste and texture.

Prep Time – 2 Days and 10 Minutes

3. Broiled Chicken Wings

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Growing up, deep-frying chicken wings was almost a weekly, family ritual.

But I’m not trying to get Heart Disease, so I revived this childhood favorite by simply buying quality wings and then broiling them until they reached desired crispness (no more making it a priority to tell the unenthused worker “Extra Crispy” as they take my costly order of unhealthy comfort food)

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You can’t make these in the microwave. These broiled wings make McNuggets look like Childs Play.

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Best Served Buffalo Style 

Mix Frank’s Hot Sauce, Grass-Fed Butter, Tabasco Sauce, and Lemon Juice then douse the hot wings to complete this mouth-watering dish. Add celery for good taste.

Here is a recipe that I loosely followed to get me started http://www.wheatbellyblog.com/recipes/buffalo-chicken-wings-wheat-belly-10-day-grain-detox/

4. Coconut Flour Pancakes

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The best thing to be served on a paper plate?! Man these are delicious, plus they’re much higher quality than your run of the mill flapjacks.

There are plenty of recipes for these pancakes on Paleo and Ketogenic diet blogs, I use (no order) coconut flour, eggs, vanilla extract, coconut oil, stevia, baking soda, Canned Coconut Milk, and that’s the starter pack.

Mix the ingredients in a high watt blender, or food processor then pan fry. You can add walnuts, Grass-Fed Butter, Lemon Juice (surprisingly good substitute for syrup), etc. These pancakes will also fill you up due to the high fiber and protein content in coconut flour.

So next time you participate in Denny’s all you can eat pancakes, eat one coconut flour pancake prior. (Just kidding, you can do whatever you want.)

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I added Raspberries and Walnuts to this one.

This pancake is fit for a body builder or really anyone looking for a nutrient dense meal, both high in protein & fiber and low in sugar.

Ingredients: Lentils

Coconut Flour, Chia Seeds, Eggs, Baking Soda, Ground Cinnamon, a pinch of Himalayan Salt, and a couple scoops of this super food blend. Top it off with some Grass-Fed butter and your good to go. Sweeteners aren’t really necessary in this one.

While on the semi low-carb baking tangent, check out this coconut flour blueberry pie. 

The pies at the grocery store taste good but are loaded with sugar and carbs so I started making own, using mostly : Coconut Flour, Eggs, Wild Blueberries, Extra Virgin Olive Oil, and Raw Honey. It’s a work in progress.

6. The Sweet Potato 

 

Go ahead and curb stomp your $4 Bag of Lay’s Potato Chips then pick up some Yams aka Sweet Potatoes (ranging from $0.69 to $1.29 per pound)

  • Great with Ground Cinnamon

You can add Hot Sauce for less of a dessert vibe. If you don’t have hot sauce, you can add cayenne pepper, apple cider vinegar, and Himalayan Salt for a similar effect.

7. Last But not Least – The Omelette

 

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The simplest thing to master*

Not quite there yet

   Oh yeah and let me reiterate, I definitely don’t claim to be a Chef. That would be disrespectful to people mastering the culinary arts, you know like 40 years deep. Just someone who is better than when he started. And made it beyond the microwave. Talk about rags to riches.

Bonus

  • Grilled Grass-Fed Burger

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Ingredients: Organic Grass-Fed ground beef, Red Onion, Sweet Onion, Garlic, a splash of Apple Cider Vinegar, a touch of Himalayan Pink salt, and garnished with Romaine Lettuce plus one Kosher Pickle Spear. After years of high glycemic, refined carbohydrate binges, disguised as meals, the bun isn’t necessary.

Bonus #2 

In the words of Billy Mays (RIP) from OxiClean
Image result for billy mays oxiclean but wait theres more

Duck Eggs

 

  • Higher in Protein + Omega-3 Fatty Acids than Chicken Eggs
  • More of a rich, orange yolk, indicating more nutritional value
  • Image result for duck eggs

Check out this article from modernfarmer.com for information on Duck Eggs

https://modernfarmer.com/2015/06/everything-you-need-to-know-about-duck-eggs/

Blooper

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With not many ingredients at my disposal, I got creative. The results…

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This thing..

Stay hungry and Have a good day!

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